A nanny may leave a family for many reasons. In fact the whole point of the relationship is that it is subject to alteration. As children grow and childcare needs change. Parents may relocate or change jobs, a new baby may alter the balance of family life. So can the arrival of a grandparent who is no longer able to live independently. In all such cases, a nanny may no longer be needed, or the current nanny may not be willing or able to meet those needs. It’s an inevitability that nanny will leave one day!
So how should the period before, during and after Nanny’s departure be handled? If you have a new nanny starting work, it can feel even more awkward. Although adults often make a great deal more fuss about this than children. Adults rather like to see the handover between one nanny and another, if possible. Of course, for all kinds of reasons it quite often isn’t.
When nanny leaves and everybody is sad
Letting a much-loved nanny go can be tough for everyone. It’s a good idea to talk the situation through with your nanny in advance. Both to decide what to say to the child(ren) and to explore how future contact might work.
This is where clarity really helps. If you’re going to try to stay in touch it’s good to get those contact arrangements nailed down before saying anything to the kids. For example, “Nanny will be leaving in three weeks. But she’ll be babysitting you when we go out in the evening” or “when you start school, Nanny will go and work with a new family. But she’ll stay in touch at Christmas and your birthday.” Always remember how resilient children are. Also that a nanny may have great intentions to stay in touch but if she’s going to a new family. However she may soon become engrossed in their world and not have as much time as she expected for return visits.
When nanny leaves in difficult circumstances
Sometimes childcare just doesn’t work out. Sometimes a nanny has to leave through personal circumstances that mean a carefully planned and structured departure isn’t possible. In these situations it’s often best to give a child some time to talk about their feelings and thoughts. Often then aren’t as keen on getting explanations as on exploring their own responses. But if they do have questions, it’s best to be as honest as you can. Keep it simple and move on to another topic as soon as they seem bored.
Should I pay my ex-nanny – if so, what for?
The general rule is to pay for baby-sitting but not for visits that nanny initiates herself. If nanny wants to stay in touch, the new working relationship can take a little time to work out. It’s worth trying as it offers the children continuity but it’s important to be clear about what’s paid work and what isn’t. If you invite nanny to a child’s birthday party or set up a special date for them to spend time together, nanny shouldn’t expect payment. But if you extend a visit into working. For example by taking advantage of your ex-nanny’s visit to go out for the evening and leave her in charge of the children, you should offer to pay her.